SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES BELOW
I was watching Game of Thrones last Sunday when something amazing happened, Jon Snow was reunited with Sansa Stark, his half sister, after being separated six seasons ago by a series of unfortunate events, to say the least. For those of you who don't watch the series, this might sound incredibly underwhelming; for those you who do watch the series, you know what I'm talking about. It was not just reunion between two characters, so many things have changed since they last saw each other, so much has happened, it almost seemed like that moment was never gonna come. In a world like Westeros, loved characters are constantly going through hardships, or even dying, but for a moment, everything was fine. I remember watching the first few seasons, wanting the Starks to go back to Winterfell and be reunited at last. The thing is, its been so long since they went their separate ways that I'd actually forgotten that I wanted that to happen in the first place. The hope that they'd be back together felt more like a farfetched dream. So once it did happen, everything came back, the memories of a time when everything was alright. That's the power of nostalgia, it reminds you of something that you miss so much from your past, but its been so long that you actually forgot that you actually missed it, yet once you get it, you know that you're home. After watching the episode I had a strange feeling of comfort, as if something inside me had clicked. So I sat there, thinking about the things that I never think about, things from my past that would take me back. I found a few old school yearbooks and album photos and skimmed through them for a couple of hours. I won't go into details cause they're not important, but needless to say, it was a ride. These past few months have been pretty hard school wise, responsibilities pile up. The only thing one can do to tackle them is keep moving forward, there's no time to spare. It's once you se something like that episode when you remember there's a bit more to life than just work. It's funny, nostalgia's original meaning is "The anxieties displayed by Swiss mercenaries fighting away from home." Which was kind of my topic last blogpost, the uncertainty of not being able to go back home. I've been meaning to write something about uncertainty for a while now, I didn't realize I was already writing about it without knowing. The truth is, I want to go to college, get a job, have my own life, but I'm incredibly scared that things won't go as planned. I guess that's just how life works.
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I just came home from a 20 day trip to San Francisco and although it was incredibly fun, I would be lying if I didn't say that I wasn't thinking of coming back home half of the time. It's hard to think that in two years time I'll most likely be leaving the country for complete semesters at a time; leaving my house, my family, my friends. It's not an easy thought to process. I've been thinking about this for a while now, every passing day is one day less living the life I'm living right now, for better or worse.
All of this has led me to one thought: Home, what does it mean to me? Is it my room? My routine? Is it my little sister's incessant crying every morning? Or the memories shared? Maybe it's the promise of comfiness, that nothing can harm you while you're inside. Ben Franklin would have you think it consists on a place with "... food and fire for the mind as well as the body." While Maya Angelou believes that it's a "... safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” On the other hand, Beth Revis considers home to be a person. I guess they're all right. Regardless, although home is all those things, its still hard to pin down its exact definition: a place, a geographical location, a feeling, a moment, a person. I could go on. I suppose home is wherever, whenever, and whoever you want it to be. It's something conceptual rather than a real thing. Right now, I sit alone, writing this blog post in my room on a Sunday afternoon, listening to Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street", as I wait for the next "Game of Thrones" episode to air. In the room next to mine, my parents watch a movie while my sister plays silently with one of her dolls. In a nutshell, that's my home, not all of it though, as it also includes my beach, the school (definitely the IA classroom), and my friends. So, what comes next? What's waiting for me after I go to college and leave the physical manifestation of what I tend to call home? Although I'm excited about possibility that I might find a new home, I'm also completely terrified; coincidentally, "Baker Street" has a line which encapsulated my doubts "... city desert makes you feel so cold. It's got so many people but it's got no soul." I don't know if I'll be ready to leave once I finish school or whether I'll find what i'm looking for once I get there, I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I remember watching a commercial last semester, it was about a kid who wanted a cake for his birthday, but his mom was too poor to buy it. A man was standing nearby and heard the conversation, although he was poor as well, he decided to buy a cake for the little boy, anonymously. He didn't buy the it for praise or recognition; he bought it because he believed that it was the right thing to do, it was a selfless act of kindness.
'Unfortunately, those kinds of scenarios don't happen in real life. No one would actually give up something of their own for another person's well being. That commercial is heartwarming and encouraging, but it's fake. Again, this type of story only takes place in fiction, its too good to be true.' This is what I thought after watching the commercial, it might be a little depressing, and although I would've wished to believe otherwise, I accepted the harsh reality. I'm a cynic living in a cynical world. To my surprise, I was proven wrong. A few days ago, I was in a small suburban bookstore, I'd chosen a few books and left them on the counter in order to find some more. As I searched for a book, a man came into the store, I didn't pay much attention to him as I was busy looking for an interesting title. After some time, the man left. My search continued. I went back to the counter moments later. There, the cashier told me that the man had left fifty dollars for me to buy books, the only thing he said before leaving was "Young people should read more". I was completely blown away by this anonymous man's actions, it's not every day that something like this happens. It takes a special kind of person to do a selfless act of kindness; that man gained no recognition, no praise, no prize, only the satisfaction of knowing that he did something that meant a lot for another person. I'm still a cynic, the world is still the same place it was before this happened: politics are plagued with corruption, mining companies will ruin the environment for wealth, and corporations will set up their offices in tax heavens in order to avoid paying their fair share of taxes. I'm still a cynic, but I know that the world doesn't have to be this way, it shouldn't be this way. This man gave me something far better than books, he gave me hope. Hope that there are people out there, people who don't care about wealth or recognition, selfless people. Although there might not be many, one is enough to show me that it is possible. I guess now it's my turn to return the favor. I was reading an article by David Wong a few days ago where he played with an idea called "the monkeysphere”. What this theory deals with is, that according to brain studies, the size of a monkey’s tribe is defined by the size of its brain. By using those calculations, scientists concluded that human brains had the capacity of recognising around 150 people as three dimensional, fully realised human beings with whom they could have stable social relationships. Those 150 individuals form part of your monkeysphere.
What this implies is that every person whose not part of your monkeysphere is just a background character in your life, a mere reflection of a person. Put simply and in gaming terms, they’re npc’s (non-playable characters), or at least that’s how our brain process them. This is the reason why we’ll throw trash to the ground without thinking twice about it, we don’t care enough about the janitor as a person even though we know he’s gonna have to pick it up later on. It’s the same reason why I’d be devastated if someone close to me dies, but I don’t feel anything when told that millions are dying from starvation in Africa. As its been said countless times, “A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.” It’s odd, the idea that we can’t function properly as a society because of an evolutionary trait designed specifically for prehistoric tribes to function properly. Oh the irony. After spending hours upon hours scattered all over the week meditating on this idea, I’ve come to conclude, that as a person who’s able to understand what the monkeysphere is, I can move past it. No, I won’t be able to take into account every single death nor I want to. The goal is to be more mindful about others, regardless of who they are or what their place is on the monkeysphere. One of my favourite films of 2015, Anomalisa, had a quote which perfectly encapsulated the message I’m attempting to transmit and why it’s important. "Just like you. Each person you speak to has had a day. Some days have been good, some bad, but they’ve all had one. Each person you speak to has had a childhood. Each have a body. Each body aches. What is it to be human? What is it to ache? What is is to be alive?" I was listening to a podcast a few days ago, the hosts were discussing, well, actually more like mocking, an old movie called “My Dinner with Andre” because of its supposedly boring plot. The set up consisted on a man named Wallace Shawn, a playwright who had been told that his friend and coworker Andre Gregory had gone nuts, left the country and joined a commune. Wallace had been avoiding dinner with Andre for a year and finally gets roped into doing it. What the audience sees and movie centers around is a real time, two hour long dinner, during which you learn the reason why Andre lost his mind. I decided to watch this movie thinking it would be incredibly boring, as the podcast hosts were saying, what I found after watching it is that the movie wasn’t just two people have a chat while eating dinner, rather, an incredibly accurate study of society and why humans do what they do.
Andre explains that he realised something, the example he gives revolves around the news, a reporter was interviewing a terrorist, and the terrorist was dressed like a terrorist. What this implies is that the terrorist woke up in the morning and dressed up in a way that would be acceptable to other terrorists. What makes Andre lose his mind was the idea that everything we do, all the things we say, the way we dress, and they way we act, is based on what other people expect you to do. Those people expect you to do certain things only for the fact that they are expected by other people to expect you to do those certain things. In other words, if I were to go to school on Monday with nothing but socks, underwear and a cowboy hat, the first person to see me would be alarmed by it, they would be alarmed by it because if they weren’t, if they think it’s cool, then they’re also an outcast. Andre describes it as “They've (People) built their own prison, so they exist in a state of schizophrenia. They are both guards and prisoners and as a result, they no longer have, having been lobotomised, the capacity to leave the prison they’ve made, or to even see it as a prison." A great example of this phenomenon is biker gangs, these people brand themselves as outlaws, they say that they don’t follow society’s rules and in order to show that they are non-conformists, they dress exactly the same, they use the same vehicle and the same brand, the same logo on their backs, the same type of bandanas, the list goes on. All of this for the sake of maintaining their image of biker. Andre leaves home because he knows that when he talks to his wife, they aren't telling each other what they're actually thinking, they are telling each other what they are expected to say, he realises that he doesn’t even know that person. Therefore, Andre goes to find what a human life should actually be like if he didn’t care what anyone thought about him. The reason why i’m still thinking about this movie, the reason why I’m writing this blog post is because it’s left me with more questions that I can answer: Who am I? Where would I be if I didn’t care about society’s rules? How did this self-surveillance system where everyone keeps themselves on line based on what society’s expectations of you are even happen? Most importantly, how do I break out of the system? I don’t actually know the answer to any of these, it will probably take a lot of time for me to even understand the question to its fullest. So… what's the next step? I guess that the only thing left to do now is look for the answers. Although the second half of Sean Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" was also full of cliches and, as I stated before, obvious answers for general problems, I enjoyed it more than the half before it. This half was significantly more elaborate than the other given that many of the things Sean Covey mentions actually made me reevaluate my actions and kept me thinking after I finished reading. As I read through the third and fourth parts of "7 Highly Effective Teens", I kept thinking about the change in mentality that had taken place gradually yet I did not do anything to change it.
The change in mentality constituted of two thoughts. The first was "Every man for himself", (As a side note, I know it's a bit hypocritical including cliched statement as my first point as I've been shunning clichés these past two blog posts, just run with it.) it's very self explanatory, it means that in a particular situation, every person will do the something that only benefits their personal interest. The second mentality change connects to the first one, it's "Kill or be killed" (yes, I am aware that it's also a cliché), it means that for one to thrive, others must lose/ it's not enough for me to win, others must lose as well. This is where Sean Covey intervenes as he introduces the "win-win" state of mind as well as its variations: win-lose, lose-win and lose-lose; these mentalities take place in every type of hierarchy you are part of (social, economical, familial, etc.). Sean Covey defined win-win as "Win-Win is a belief that everyone can win. It’s both nice and tough all at once. I won’t step on you, but I won’t be your doormat either. You care about other people and you want them to succeed. But you also care about yourself, and you want to succeed as well. Win-win is abundant. It is the belief that there’s plenty of success to go around. It’s not either you or me. It’s both of us. It’s not a matter of who gets the biggest piece of pie. There’s more than enough food for everyone. It’s an all-you-can-eat buffet." Every other scenario in which someone uses any of the other mentalities, at least one party would end up loosing. The mindset i chose was win-lose, as I stated before, for me to win others must lose. Obviously, the outlook I was using is not ideal, it might work for a while, but somehow, it will eventually backfire. I know there's no way of changing my mindset completely, even though the problem the problem has been identified, but, as Sean Covey put it, baby steps are the key to change. I might have the urge to be selfish, the urge to attempt to gain all victories for myself, but that's not the way, not morally or ethically. Finally, school was over, two whole months full of nothing but relaxation, two months where I could do virtually anything I wanted whenever I wanted. Unfortunately, with every vacation comes an informational book accompanied by two reports/blog posts on it. Last time it was Peter Gray’s "Free to Learn", now, Sean Covey’s "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens”, a self-help book that tackles teen life in an attempt to put adolescents back on track. I’ve always had a set opinion on self-help books, Lisa Simpson once defined this genre with a simple statement “[The Book] is just peddling a bunch of easy answers.” This book mainly retreads ideas that have been discussed over and over to the point that they’ve become cliches, unlike “Free to Learn” where author Peter Gray explored a completely unfamiliar concept. “7 Habits…” felt very familiar and not always in a good way, there was one concept I did like, the way that he contrasted proactive to reactive personalities and how these could affect who you are drastically. I’ve always considered myself a proactive person and based on the book’s criteria, I am one… Well, kind of, as in most cases, life is not black and white. One can never be 100% proactive as they can’t be completely reactive either. According to Sean Covey being proactive means that you take charge of your own life, you choose what you want to become and how you’re gonna get there, he states “Your life doesn’t just “happen.” Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you.” While on the other side of the spectrum, reactive people tend to “go with the flow”, they let their circumstances rule their life as well as define who they are. In this day and age, where everything’s urgent and time is a valuable resource, being reactive is the easy alternative, it’s the option were the subject rejects the idea that they, for once, might be wrong. I’ve been guilty of being reactive and will be countless times in the future. For example, there have been many times where I left homework for the last minute, blaming the fact that there was no time because of swimming training when the truth of the matter is that I could’ve done it instead of watching movies all day, or going out, or playing video games. Rather than confronting the truth, reactors fool themselves into believing otherwise. What “7 Habits…” does great is explaining how the way you react to every situation matters, whether proactive or reactive, every step you take builds upon yourself. It helps one understand that each choice, no matter how small, has an influence on who you are as a whole. A few weeks ago, the Spanish teacher started asking for the homework. I was in the front row and, naturally, had it ready. She was in her desk and started calling people’s names. I’ll use pseudonyms for “safety” reasons. The Spanish teacher said: “Jose bring your homework…” then “ John, your homework please…” I was next “YOU, bring your homework.” she said, while pointing at me. It’s important to note that I’d been her student for four months now. I stayed seated, she asked again “You, could you bring me your homework.” And so I went and acted as it had never happened. It didn’t end there, a week later, a substitute came in for that same Spanish teacher. She had taught in our school and now worked as a substitute, probably because of her age. The lady was very professional, in the second class with her, she collected books, again, by names. The substitute remembered everyone’s names, apart from mine.
I kept wondering, why they didn’t care to remember my name; is there something different about me? Even worse, am I such an average person that I don’t stand out in a class with only 20 people? Clearly, there must be something wrong with me… or not, I concluded that it was because I’m an introvert. Before moving on, for those of you who don’t know what it means, there are two terms for defining one’s social behaviour, extroverts and introverts. Extroverts are the more outgoing people; people who like being surrounded by others all the time and prefer being in public places. While introverts are more reserved. Introverts are usually cast in a light of antisocials, that they don’t like to be with other people at all and behave like hermit crabs, only coming out of shelter when it’s completely necessary. I assure you, this is definitely not the case, an introvert is someone who likes being alone, is comfortable with his or her thoughts, and doesn't have a problem spending a day all by himself, reading or watching a movie. This does not mean that I don’t like going out or spending time with friends or go to a party, but that I do enjoy being alone. Introversion, at least in my case, comes hand in hand with social anxiety, meaning that I’ll be nervous most of the time, no matter where I am or who i’m with. This often makes me look like a shy guy, which is not the ideal situation. I don’t like blaming things on society , I just feel like it’s a cop-out, but sometimes it is society’s fault when everyone is expected to become the “life of the party”, so to speak. Because society rejects the idea of introversion, one of the most valuable activities is completely lost. Solitude, or the act of being alone, in a room, possibly reading, maybe watching a movie or even just reflecting. The undeniable cause for the countless “anti-social” comments your parents make each time they come into your room. Solitude goes very unappreciated these days, truth be told, it’s only time I feel 100% comfortable. Which is ultimately the reason I love writing blogposts, Jill Solloway phrased it perfectly “The intimacy between my brain and my fingers and my computer... Yet knowing that that intimacy will find an audience... It's very satisfying. It's like having the safety of being alone with the ego reward of being known.” I had the opportunity to go to a GIN (Global Issues Network) conference last week, needless to say, it was an amazing experience. It was set in Rio, Brazil, subjectively, one of the most beautiful places on Earth. The conference created a sense of awe, accompanied by hope and inspiration, something that doesn’t come by very often; the project-leading students didn’t only say that they were gonna change the world, they were already doing it. Regardless of the landscapes, the food, or the incredibly articulate speakers, the best part was definitely the people.
It’s always great meeting new people, especially in a place like a GIN conference as everyone has the same mindset yet different perspectives towards life. I formed many bonds with people from all over the continent, as a consequence, once I left, I couldn’t shake off a feeling of melancholy and grief. On the plane back, a word kept popping back into my head, sonder. I found it on “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows” a few months ago, but didn’t give much attention to it at the time. It means: “The sudden realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.” The only difference between sonder and my situation is that I knew those people, they weren’t random passers by, rather, friends. They're people who i met, who I care about. They’ll live their lives parallel to mine, go on adventures, grow up, get married, have kids, and slowly grow old. They’ll forget the time we spent together and they’ll live as if it never happened. At the conference, I came to a conclusion about meeting new people: "Make someone laugh once and you had a nice conversation; make someone laugh twice and you’ll have a friend for life.” But I was wrong, it’s reasonable to think that we’ll never meet again, that our paths won’t cross once more, and if they do, who’s to say that we’ll even recognize each other. Now, I find myself typing slowly in my room, alone, thinking of what would happen, how their lives would change, how my life would change, if I just sent them a message saying “hi”. I joined the regattas swim team on January 12, 2015 about nine months ago and since then, I’ve swam around 480 hours. It took me a while to realize that I hated swimming, not because of the countless unbearable hours spent going back and forth in a pool or because of the insufferable smell a wet towel emanates after being inside a bag for hours, but because of something I like to call the “Tyler Durden” effect. (Named after Fight Club, and because Groundhog effect doesn’t have the same ring to it.)
In Fight Club, we follow the story of an unnamed protagonist and narrator. Initially, the character is going through a tough time because he works at dead end job. Because of this, he feels as if, apart from minor details, were figuratively living the same day over and over again, and would probably live his life that way until he died. As a consequence, he goes crazy and subconsciously creates an alter ego called Tyler Durden, who then establishes a cult and blows up a city. Aside from going utterly insane, I experienced the same situation as the narrator. Every summer day I would wake up at 6:30 am, swim, take a nap, eat lunch, take another nap, swim again, eat dinner, and finally go to sleep in order to freshen up for next day. I found myself trapped in a cycle of repetition; in a sense, I was living on autopilot, doing the motions necessary to get the day over with. It was an odd state in which I didn’t feel like myself; I could feel nothing but numbness, all emotions were omitted for the sake of relieving stress. I kept asking myself “How many times can I live the same day without becoming a sociopath who’s forgotten how to feel anything?”. I was being consumed by the never-ending machine that is society, however, I didn’t notice. Not all was lost, once I was able to notice that I was stuck in a vicious, unproductive phase, I became aware, more attuned to my emotions. I began feeling grief, happiness, fear, not the types of emotions that come and go without a trace, but the kind that is felt deep within your heart and stays with you forever. I might be sounding as a cliche (and possibly incredibly cheesy) but the only reason why it sounds this way is because it’s true. “If you ain’t scared, you ain’t alive.” (The Good Dinosaur), even though this quote specifically talks about fear, it’s true for every single emotion. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
May 2016
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